This is a guest post written by Krista Loomer, a young marketing professional living in North Carolina.
I’m a hopeless romantic; I love watching the Hallmark channel with my mom, Pride and Prejudice is my favorite novel (I own five copies), and like a lot of other people out there I want to meet my person.
My only relationship – if you can even call it that – was an on-again off-again torturous year and a half. It drove me to have trust issues and ripped my confidence to shreds. The best thing that came from it was a discovery of my strong sense of independence, born from a need to protect myself from getting hurt again.
But, I still want to find someone to be my partner in life.
How do you meet that person? After college, I learned that it gets a lot harder to meet new people. You aren’t in a bubble anymore; nobody has loads of free time and you aren’t going out at night or joining clubs where you can meet new people.
Flash forward three years after graduation and here I am, still single, with friends who are enjoying the dating scene. What do you do when the majority of your friends are going on multiple dates a week? Well, I decided to find out what dating apps they are on and got them on my phone immediately!
As a person that has never taken dating apps seriously and continuously states that “I do not want to meet my future husband on one,” I made the decision to actually put in some effort and see what they were all about. After all, I have friends who have met their husbands, fiancés, and boyfriends through Plenty of Fish, Tinder, and other apps.
I tried a lot of dating apps, but I found Bumble to be the best one out there. At first it was a lot of fun! I met new people, most only lasted one date, but it felt good to put myself out there. I met a guy who I really hit it off with we went on a few dates and everything seemed to be going well, until the holidays. That’s when he attempted to ghost me.
Ghosting people seems to be the thing to do these days. Forget about the courtesy of telling someone why you don’t want to talk to them anymore and just stop talking to them. How can people do this to each other? Sure they may not have been as emotionally invested but let’s stop being selfish, grow up, and say what you feel.
I don’t like being ghosted; it’s a cop out. I would rather have someone say “I like you but I’m not enamored with you” hundreds of times over never hearing from that person again because at least I know where I stand. So, since I wanted to know what was up, I asked. The response was not fun to hear but he admitted to not wanting anything serious. Why do guys do that? If you don’t want anything serious just tell us upfront we won’t get mad.
From there I went on a few more dates with different guys but never had a real connection. Or, when I thought I did find a connection, it became a chorus of “I just want friends with benefits,” I don’t want anything serious,” and my personal favorite of “want to come over” after sending an initial message.
I heard about all of these dating apps that are great for relationships but in reality, I met the same guys who are looking for the same thing..
I deactivated my dating apps and it has been such a freeing experience for me. As much as talking to multiple cute guys at once can boost your confidence it can also tear it down just as quickly. You become dependent on these people you barely know just because they show you attention.
I lost myself through this process. I lost my independence and its still not completely back but its getting there because I’m focusing on bettering myself.
I stand by not wanting to meet my future husband on a dating app. I want it to be organic. Yes, it’s harder but its also allowing me to go out and do things that I love and meet new people that share those passions.
So in a dating world of Lydia’s don’t ever be afraid to be a Lizzy – if you don’t get it go read Pride and Prejudice, you’ll thank me later. Be yourself, speak your mind, be fiercely independent, and never settle for less than you deserve.