Rob and I fell so in love with the location of our recent family vacation that we wanted it to be a permanent part of our life. I’m talking full denial of our financial standing, looking at houses for at least an hour on Zillow, doing the (bad) math in our head about what we would need to have a house there.

Of course, this isn’t something we can do now – own a second home – but it was something that set our collective souls on fire. We were fully charmed, and taken by a feeling I think we have both forgotten… dreaming big.

I have been listening to “Girl Wash your Face” by Rachel Hollis. In her book she talks about printing out her long-term goals and hanging visual reminders on her closet door. When I first heard this I thought “yeah, well of course this rich lady who has made it big is going to have big dreams.”

I thought to myself “if I printed out my dream it would be my bank statement with a better looking savings account photo shopped in.” And that depressed me. I felt as if my current circumstances fences my goals inward toward things like extra money and blocked my view for goals beyond that horizon.

This sentiment, and my experience with Rob on vacation made me really think about dreaming big and why it felt out of reach for so long.

I am afraid of disappointment. I always have been. It has made me an eternal optimist. My mom tells the story of me as a little girl looking out the window at torrential rain and asking if there was still a chance of going to the park.

As I lived into the first months of post-college adult life, the not-so-dreamy parts left me feeling jaded.  For me the election of Donald Trump was the first blow to the fairy tale I ignorantly lived in. Then, two months after our wedding Rob and I went through public job loss, and as Rob started and continues to work in public theology we’ve experienced death threats, nasty PR battles, the loss of friends, and nights where I didn’t know how we would make it out.

We fell into some type of despair, just trying to survive the uncertainty. I felt like adulthood was this big, cruel joke. I felt like any dream I had was impractical and inconceivable when the news, job search and bank account were all looking dismal.

And, I think of the fact that we are the lucky ones because ICE or travel bans don’t threaten our family, and we aren’t scared of being stopped by police. We have a roof over our heads and food in our fridge. I’m humbled, sickened, and slapped with reality.

How dare we think of life the way we do when we have so much to be thankful for, and we have opportunities to dream big not only for ourselves, but for others who are experiencing what we are (the paycheck to paycheck pinch) and for those whose pain we cannot imagine.

We all deserve to dream big. And, Rob and I are learning how to do that with grateful and humble hearts. To encourage us all, I want to share some words of wisdom spoken to us (and the rest of the congregation) on our wedding day. “Risk and hope” is what we should cling to when facing life together. We must hold these two in tension even when hoping is risky. And for me, the risk of disappointment has been looming too large for too long.

To start us off, here are my personal dreams, the ones I will print off and tape to my closet.

• Grow Beloved Ministries into a source of community support and outreach
• Fiscally responsible savings account (of course)
• Open my own store
• Get my master’s degree
• Write a book

If you read my post on a meaningful commute then you know I drive two hours round trip every weekday from home to work and back again. And, if you read my post about #actionsspeaklouder then you will know in June I took a break from my regular news podcasts (as well as Twitter and Facebook).

During my hiatus I signed up for Audible after six months of receiving suggestions to do so from loving friends and family. I found it to be a welcome addition to my commuting routine.

For my first two books, I focused on non-fiction, motivational books that aligned with the reasons for my break from my usual, politics-heavy listening; I wanted time to re-organize, re-focus, and re-group. And, I believe these books were integral to the immense value I found in this time of intentional quiet.

Lean In – Cheryl Sandburg

This is a book I have been meaning to read since it came out in 2013. Sandburg’s writing is full of statistics and studies as well as personal anecdotes that explore the reason why women are not occupying the same share of c-suite positions that men do.

In summary, she concludes that a large majority of women do not lean into their careers and are inhibited by many different social and self-inflicted barriers. While I don’t agree with everything she argues, and my biggest critique is the fact that she is a highly educated, rich, white, cis-gendered woman, and it felt like that was her book’s audience even though any women deserve to be in a c-suite… her message still empowered me to see the areas in my career where I was in fact “leaning out.”

I hear the book in the back of my mind every time I fail to promote myself, my work, and my ideas in a way that give me and my position the credit deserved.

Girl, Wash your Face – Rachel Hollis

I didn’t know of Rachel Hollis before this. And, I’m so glad I was introduced to her work and her message. Her book was like a “Lean In” for my soul and my faith.

Hollis tells hones, transparent stories from her life through a formula of “lies I told myself” and “how I fixed it.” To me, her overall message was “you have control over your happiness” and “you have control over how you move through the world.”

As a new wife, young career woman, writer, future mother, someone with anxiety, someone struggling with weight, and as a christian white woman who wants to build a community with less “lines in the sand,” this book was like holding a mirror (compassionately) to my inner demons.  She addressed a lot of what I have been struggling with including fighting off negative thoughts, becoming too comfortable with mediocrity, feeling helpless, and a perceived lack of control.

However, I read this book as a straight, white, middle class, cis-gendered woman. And while for the most part her book was helpful (I think because of her honesty), there were some parts where her message highlighted her identities and possibly some areas for growth.

Because of my identities and life experience, I appreciated her chapter on the importance of diversity, and what she’s learned since growing up in a small, white town. And, I appreciate how she shared her experience with her friend who is a woman of color. But, in today’s world I also realize this can be a trope — “I’m not (insert -ism here) I have a (friend who identifies with a different identity.” I did like her idea of encouraging white Christians to join a church that reflects the diversity of God’s kingdom. But, I think this chapter can also be problematic.

Another issue I found was how she reflected on her journey with the foster care system. I think her experience made her jaded, and that is understandable with what she went through. But, it seemed as though the grace and understanding she affords to herself and her “tribe” were not extended to birth mothers/families.

This book was beneficial for me, especially in my current season of life. It was helpful to hear someone else’s experience and how they overcame struggles that echo some of the ones I have faced. Hollis’ experience is a process, and her transparency is admirable, but (as with all of us) there is work to be done.

This is a guest post written by Krista Loomer, a young marketing professional living in North Carolina.

I’m a hopeless romantic; I love watching the Hallmark channel with my mom, Pride and Prejudice is my favorite novel (I own five copies), and like a lot of other people out there I want to meet my person.

My only relationship – if you can even call it that – was an on-again off-again torturous year and a half. It drove me to have trust issues and ripped my confidence to shreds. The best thing that came from it was a discovery of my strong sense of independence, born from a need to protect myself from getting hurt again.

But, I still want to find someone to be my partner in life.

How do you meet that person? After college, I learned that it gets a lot harder to meet new people. You aren’t in a bubble anymore; nobody has loads of free time and you aren’t going out at night or joining clubs where you can meet new people.

Flash forward three years after graduation and here I am, still single, with friends who are enjoying the dating scene. What do you do when the majority of your friends are going on multiple dates a week? Well, I decided to find out what dating apps they are on and got them on my phone immediately!

As a person that has never taken dating apps seriously and continuously states that “I do not want to meet my future husband on one,” I made the decision to actually put in some effort and see what they were all about. After all, I have friends who have met their husbands, fiancés, and boyfriends through Plenty of Fish, Tinder, and other apps.

I tried a lot of dating apps, but I found Bumble to be the best one out there. At first it was a lot of fun! I met new people, most only lasted one date, but it felt good to put myself out there. I met a guy who I really hit it off with we went on a few dates and everything seemed to be going well, until the holidays. That’s when he attempted to ghost me.

Ghosting people seems to be the thing to do these days. Forget about the courtesy of telling someone why you don’t want to talk to them anymore and just stop talking to them. How can people do this to each other? Sure they may not have been as emotionally invested but let’s stop being selfish, grow up, and say what you feel.

I don’t like being ghosted; it’s a cop out. I would rather have someone say “I like you but I’m not enamored with you” hundreds of times over never hearing from that person again because at least I know where I stand. So, since I wanted to know what was up, I asked. The response was not fun to hear but he admitted to not wanting anything serious. Why do guys do that? If you don’t want anything serious just tell us upfront we won’t get mad.

From there I went on a few more dates with different guys but never had a real connection. Or, when I thought I did find a connection, it became a chorus of “I just want friends with benefits,” I don’t want anything serious,” and my personal favorite of “want to come over” after sending an initial message.

I heard about all of these dating apps that are great for relationships but in reality, I met the same guys who are looking for the same thing..

I deactivated my dating apps and it has been such a freeing experience for me. As much as talking to multiple cute guys at once can boost your confidence it can also tear it down just as quickly. You become dependent on these people you barely know just because they show you attention.

I lost myself through this process. I lost my independence and its still not completely back but its getting there because I’m focusing on bettering myself.

I stand by not wanting to meet my future husband on a dating app. I want it to be organic. Yes, it’s harder but its also allowing me to go out and do things that I love and meet new people that share those passions.

So in a dating world of Lydia’s don’t ever be afraid to be a Lizzy – if you don’t get it go read Pride and Prejudice, you’ll thank me later.  Be yourself, speak your mind, be fiercely independent, and never settle for less than you deserve.